"In a deteriorating love affair, you may be deeply torn between the choice of holding on or letting go. If you remain indecisive, the internal conflict can depress you and even make you ill. You should make a quick determination whether to hold on by fighting or let go by retreating. Holding on unsuccessfully is like clenching your fist tighter and tighter until your knuckles turn white. Letting go is like opening your fist. It feels better, but your hand is empty."

Ivy showed this to me. The first thing I said to her was 'but your hand is empty'.. Her reply was 'but you will feel better'.

I guess the thing about me is that I'm so used (yes, the word is USED) to the current situation that I do not want any changes. The first thing I noticed in that passage was 'your hand is empty'. I'm afraid of that. I believe the part where 'it feels better' will come after the 'you hand is empty' part. I know I will have to go thru that in order to feel better, but I don't want to.

Close besties are surprised that I am willing to be in the situation I am in now. Thats just so not me. I want to get out of it, but bigger part of me doesn't bear to give up. Hence, I chose to remain stupid and silly.

Argh.... whatever. This problem has been haunting me so much these days. I'm someone who thinks alot, and sometimes too much. This feeling sucks.

I guess what I need is time. I will get over these one day. Just the matter of time, and also the amount of sadness in the process. But not as if I haven been sad enough, haven shed enough tears over these.

Good night.