"Papa.. Wo Yao Ni..."

A little girl said this to her daddy on my flight today. They were travelling with a family of 12, 7 adults and 5 children. Our airline has got a rule that 3 children can't sit together on the same row cos in case of emergency, the children wouldn't know how to react. The daddy was sitting with 2 nephews, and the girl was with her aunt. The mother was on the other row with other children. Don't ask me why the parents did not sit with their own daughter.

"Papa.. Wo yao ni.." "PAPA!! Wo Yao Ni!!! *starts to cry...*"
The little girl turned to the back and said these to her dad. She wants to sit with her dad. The dad ignored her at first. Tears started to roll down her small face as she called out to her dad again, and she looked so helpless. I don't know why, but I just felt like crying there and then. Some parents just think that its the same whether are they sitting with their children or not as the one beside them are also a family member. But no, its not the same.

I remembered an incident. When I was about 8, daddy brought me to the airport (i remembered it was terminal one) together with another boy that my uncle babysits. As you know, my dad prefers boys. On our whole journey, my dad held on to the boy's hand. Yes he is 2 years younger than me, but... I'm your daughter. I went over to hold daddy's hand, but he told me to walk on myself as I was old enough.

Then we came to an escalator. As we were approaching the escalator I told daddy that I can't go down the escalator on my own. I was afraid that I would fall. I'm afraid of heights. Escalators looked scary to me then. Daddy ignored me and went on to carry the boy in his arms and went down the escalator. Me? I was standing near the escalator but I just can't go down. I felt so helpless then, looking at the boy on my daddy's arms and moving further and further away from me. Daddy called out to me after they reached the bottom, "Come down la. What are you waiting for? I'm not going to wait for you!" They were walking away as daddy said these.

I was saddened by what daddy said. Tears rolled down my face and I ran away. I remembered running towards the viewing mall. I squatted down beside a pillar and I couldn't stop crying. Daddy, did you remember that I am your child? You went away with another boy because you prefered boys. I was hurt.

Daddy came back to look for me a while later. He didn't say anything to me and we went home. He was angry. He thought that I'm old enough to go down the escalator myself. He thought that I'm old enough to walk on my own. But he thought that I'm too young to feel anything.

Adults thinks that kids are too young to remember anything, too young to be sensitive. Too young, too young, too young. Too young for everything. But there are kids who are 'matured' for their age.

I was being forced to grow up earlier than other children of my age. I learnt about divorce at the age of 8. I learnt to wash my own clothes and shoes at the age of 8. I learnt to settle my own meals everyday at the age of 8. I learnt to be independant at the age of 8.

"Daddy, wo yao ni..." Now, I learn to keep you in my heart. I once yearn for your love, but now I'll love you in my heart.